*greeting cards worth keeping* ✦ FREE POSTAGE over £20 ✦ postcards, greeting cards & free videos for him ✦ free downloads for the text ✦ colouring books full of tastefully drawn profanities ✦ you didn't ask to be here — welcome anyway *greeting cards worth keeping* ✦ FREE POSTAGE over £20 ✦ postcards, greeting cards & free videos for him ✦ free downloads for the text ✦ colouring books full of tastefully drawn profanities ✦ you didn't ask to be here — welcome anyway
🌸 🌼 🌺 🌷
for anyone getting over anyone.
fk that.
The place where you're allowed to call your ex a prick.
Or a dick. Or a wanker. Or whatever.
Cards, postcards and colouring books — for the days you can't find the words, and the days you've got too many.
Message text is free to download. Printed cards are proper card, in a stiff envelope.
01 — Free Downloads
Something for him. Free, obviously.
🎥 100% Free — No Catch
Short, filthy-funny video messages, ready to send to (or about) him. Watch them, download them, forward them to the group chat. We're not precious about it — that's the whole point.
Free
Fuck Off Forever (Kitten Delivers)
Four legs, zero chill, one extremely clear message. It doesn't need a caption. Send it with no caption.
Every video is free to download and share. No sign-up, no email trap, no small print — send him one right now.
02 — What to say
For when you can't find the words.
Things to send a friend who's in it. Copy the words for free, or turn any of these into a printed greeting card and have it posted. Free UK postage on any order over £20.
FREE to Copy.
The text is free forever. Printed cards cost money because paper does. Our logo stays on: the credit for being the funny friend is all yours.
No cards in that stage yet. Try another chip above.
03 — Postcards
Three stages. You don't skip them.
Postcards for wherever you are. The message text on each is free to download — the printed postcard is £2.50 + postage (or free postage when your order is over £20).
Nobody's ever calmed down by being told to calm down. Colouring in an enormous rude word for forty minutes, though — that does something. Three books. All A4. Available as an instant PDF download, or as a printed copy posted to you.
Book One — for stage one.
Pure profanity. Enormous, meticulously-drawn rude words with flowers growing out of them, aimed squarely at the person who just wrecked your week. Colour him in. Colour him out.
Still sweary. Slightly less murderous. Half the pages are for him. The other half are for the version of you that's starting to notice she doesn't miss him quite as much today.
Still a swear word on every page — because we're not doing self-help in cursive over here. But this one's for you: pep talks, filthy little affirmations, and pages that remind you the best is round the next corner.
Breakups. Divorce. And everything else worth not giving a f… about.
A little something for your recipient's inbox.
E-card only.
Pick your amount on the next page, write your own message, and pop in their email address — we'll send it straight to their inbox automatically, no faffing about. Our e-cards can be used online at fkthat.co.uk only.
An instant e-card, sent by email — no postage, no waiting for the postie to notice you.
Now the serious part
Sarcasm is a coping mechanism. It isn't the whole story.
Everything on this site comes out of something real. The jokes are here because they helped — not because it was funny at the time. If you're in the part that isn't funny yet, that's written down properly somewhere else: the long version, the honest version, without the confetti.
If you're not safe.
If someone is hurting you, controlling you or frightening you, that isn't a break-up and this site isn't the right help.
In the UK, the National Domestic Abuse Helpline is free and open 24 hours: 0808 2000 247
In an emergency, call 999
🍪 A quick word about cookies.
We use a few cookies to see how the site's doing (visitor numbers, that sort of thing) — nothing creepy. You can accept, reject, or read the details first. Cookie policy.
Cookie policy — the plain version
This site is run by a small independent shop. We keep tracking to the absolute minimum needed to understand what's helping and what isn't, so we can make it better.
Essential cookies (always on)
These make the basics work — your shopping basket, remembering that you clicked "hide the postage badge", that sort of thing. Without them the site can't function properly. No consent needed for these under UK GDPR.
Analytics cookies (only with your consent)
These tell us things like:
How many people visited today
Which cards get looked at the most
Whether people came from Instagram, Google or somewhere else
Whether the site is broken on some browsers
They don't tell us who you are personally, and we don't sell any of this to anyone. If you click "Reject non-essential" these won't load at all.
No advertising cookies. Ever.
We don't do retargeting, we don't sell your data to advertisers, and we don't run creepy ads that follow you around the internet.
Changing your mind
Click "Cookie preferences" in the footer at any time to change your choice.
Four steps. No queue at the post office, no card that gets lost behind the radiator.
1. Pick your amount
Hit "Buy e-card" and choose how much petty revenge you're funding — £10 up to £50.
2. Write your own message
There's a message box right there on the page. Say whatever you need to say. We won't judge (much).
3. Pop in their email address
Yours if it's for you, theirs if it isn't. Either way, no printing, no envelopes, no stamps.
4. It lands in the inbox automatically
As soon as you've paid, the e-card is sent — instantly, automatically, no download or waiting around required. It arrives with your message, a redeemable code, and a big shiny button to spend it on fkthat.co.uk.
Questions about a specific order? Email gabi@aboutastory.co.uk and a real person (me) will sort it.
Your data, plainly
Privacy Policy
Last updated: August 2026
This policy explains what personal information I collect when you use Fkthat.co.uk, why I collect it, what I do with it, and the rights you have over it. Plain English, no dark patterns.
Fkthat.co.uk is run by me, Gabriela Silion, as a self-employed sole trader based in the UK. I'm the data controller for the information collected through Fkthat.co.uk, which means I'm the one responsible for how it's handled.
Depending on how you use the site, I collect some or all of the following:
Order information: your name, delivery address, billing address, email address, phone number (if you give it), and details of the products you've bought.
Payment information: handled directly by my payment provider (see Section 5). I don't see or store your full card number; I only see the last four digits and the outcome of the transaction.
E-card recipient details: if you're buying a gift e-card for someone else, I collect the recipient's email address (and any personal message you write) so I can deliver the e-card to them.
Account information: if you create an account, the email address and password you set, plus any order history linked to it.
Communications: the content of emails, contact-form messages, or social media messages you send me, and my replies.
Marketing preferences: if you sign up to the mailing list, your email address and the fact you've consented, plus a record of when and how you signed up (and unsubscribed, if you do).
Technical and usage information: your IP address, browser type, device type, pages visited, and how you found the site collected automatically through analytics tools (see Section 8 on cookies).
3. Why I use your information and my legal basis
Under UK GDPR I have to have a legal basis for every use of your personal data. Here's what I do with your information and why I'm allowed to:
To process and deliver your order: name, address, contact details and order history. Legal basis: performance of a contract (with you) or, where an e-card is bought for someone else, my legitimate interest in delivering the voucher I've been paid to send.
To take payment and prevent fraud: shared with my payment provider. Legal basis: performance of a contract, and legitimate interests in preventing fraud.
To deliver a voucher to the recipient you chose: recipient email address and personal message. Legal basis: legitimate interests: you've told me you have their permission to send them a gift; I use their email only to deliver it.
To handle customer service and complaints: your communications and order history. Legal basis: performance of a contract and legitimate interests in running the business.
To keep the accounting records HMRC requires: order and payment records. Legal basis: legal obligation (tax law) and legitimate interests.
To send you marketing emails: your email address. Legal basis: consent: I only send marketing if you've explicitly opted in. You can withdraw consent at any time by hitting unsubscribe in any email, or emailing me.
To improve the site and understand how it's used: analytics data. Legal basis: consent (via the cookie banner) for non-essential analytics; legitimate interests for basic site security and error logging.
4. E-cards and recipient email addresses
This one needs its own section because it involves someone else's data, not just yours.
When you buy a gift e-card for another person, you give me their email address so I can send them the e-card. By doing that, you're confirming that:
You know that person and have their permission to share their email address with me for this purpose, or you've got a reasonable basis to think they'd be fine with it (you're sending them a gift, after all).
You accept that I'll use their email address only to deliver the e-card itself (and any purely transactional follow-ups if there's a delivery problem).
I will not:
Add the recipient to my marketing list.
Sell, share or reuse their email address for any other purpose.
Contact them again after voucher delivery unless they get in touch with me first.
If a recipient contacts me and asks me to delete their email address, I'll do it, even if that means the unredeemed portion of the voucher can only be tracked back through you, the buyer. I'll always keep the minimum record needed for accounting and legal purposes (see Section 7).
5. Who I share your information with
I only share your personal data with third parties where necessary, including:
Payment processors (e.g. Stripe, PayPal, or similar) to securely process transactions
Delivery/courier services, to fulfil and ship your order
Website hosting and technical service providers, who store data on our behalf
Email delivery services, used to send e-cards (gift vouchers) to the recipient's inbox
Analytics or advertising providers, but only if and when such cookies are active and you've consented to them.
I require all third parties to respect the security of your data and to treat it in accordance with the law. We do not allow third parties to use your personal data for their own purposes.
I'll also disclose personal information where I'm legally required to (for example, to HMRC, the police, or in response to a valid court order), and where necessary to defend a legal claim.
I do not sell your personal data. Ever.
6. International transfers
Some of the providers I use are based in or process data in the United States or other countries outside the UK. Where that happens, I rely on the UK's approved transfer mechanisms: either the country is covered by a UK adequacy decision, or the provider offers Standard Contractual Clauses / the UK International Data Transfer Addendum plus additional safeguards. If you want the specifics for any provider, email me.
7. How long I keep your information
I only keep data for as long as I actually need it:
Order and payment records: six years plus the current tax year, because HMRC requires sole traders to keep tax records for that long.
Customer service correspondence: up to two years after the last contact, unless a longer period is needed to resolve a dispute.
Voucher/e-card records: until the voucher is fully redeemed or expires, plus six years for the accounting record of the sale.
Voucher/e-card recipient email addresses: kept for as long as the voucher is redeemable, then deleted from the active system (the transactional record of the delivery remains, in the accounting record above).
Marketing consent records: for as long as you're subscribed, plus a short suppression record after you unsubscribe so I don't accidentally email you again.
Analytics data: anonymised or aggregated where possible; raw logs are typically kept for 12 months.
8. Cookies and similar technologies
The site uses a small number of cookies:
Strictly necessary cookies keep the shop working: remembering your basket, keeping you logged in, and handling checkout. These don't need consent.
Analytics cookies help me see how the site is used and where things are broken. These are only set if you accept them in the cookie banner.
Marketing / third-party cookies may be set by embedded content (for example, if I embed a YouTube video or a social media post). These are only set with your consent.
You can change your cookie choices at any time via the "Cookie settings" link in the site footer, and you can block or delete cookies in your browser settings.
9. Marketing
If you've signed up to the mailing list, I might send you emails about new products, restocks, occasional discounts, and blog posts. Every marketing email has an unsubscribe link at the bottom: hit it, and you're off the list. Or email me and I'll do it manually.
I won't share your email address with other brands for their marketing, and I won't add you to the list just because you bought something (that's called soft opt-in and technically I could, under the PECR "existing customer" rule; I've chosen not to).
10. Your rights
Under UK GDPR you have the right to:
Access the personal data I hold about you.
Rectify anything that's wrong or incomplete.
Erase your data ("the right to be forgotten"), subject to any records I have to keep for legal reasons.
Restrict how I use your data while a query is being resolved.
Object to processing based on legitimate interests, and to direct marketing at any time (the objection to marketing is absolute).
Data portability: get a copy of the data you've given me in a machine-readable format.
Withdraw consent at any time, where I'm processing your data based on consent.
To exercise any of these, email gabi@aboutastory.co.uk with what you're asking for. I'll respond within one month. There's no fee, unless the request is repetitive or clearly unfounded.
11. How to complain
If you think I've mishandled your personal data, please tell me first at gabi@aboutastory.co.uk; most things can be sorted quickly. If you're not satisfied with my response, you have the right to complain to the Information Commissioner's Office (ICO), the UK's data protection regulator:
Website: ico.org.uk
Helpline: 0303 123 1113
Post: Information Commissioner's Office, Wycliffe House, Water Lane, Wilmslow, Cheshire, SK9 5AF
12. Changes to this policy
I'll update this policy from time to time; usually because a service provider changes, the law changes, or I've added something new to the site. The "Last updated" date at the top will tell you when it last changed. If a change is significant (for example, a new use of your data), I'll let you know by email if you're on the mailing list, or by a prominent notice on the site.
The small print
Terms & Conditions
Last updated: August 2026
Seller: fkthat.co.uk, trading as a sole trader from England, UK.
These terms cover everything you buy from this website, including colouring books, greeting cards, postcards, digital downloads and gift vouchers. By placing an order, you're agreeing to them.
1. Copyright & ownership
Every joke, illustration, design, layout and piece of writing on this site including in the colouring books, greeting cards and postcards is my original work and is protected by copyright. Buying a product doesn't transfer ownership of the design to you; it gives you a licence to use it as described below.
You're welcome to:
Tell your mates about it, screenshot a card to send to a friend, or post about your purchase on social media
Share images of products you've bought, as long as you credit or link back to fkthat.co.uk when you do
You're not allowed to:
Use any image, design, joke or piece of text from this site in any commercial activity; that means no reselling, no printing onto your own products, no using it in your own shop, no using it for a client, no submitting it anywhere for profit, and no claiming it as your own work
Reproduce, scan, copy or redistribute the colouring book pages or card designs in bulk, even for free
Remove or crop out branding when sharing images publicly
If you want to use anything commercially, collaborations, stockists, bulk orders for an event, email me and let's talk, I'm generally up for a chat about it.
2. Product descriptions & photos
Every product on this site is described in detail and shown with photos. What you see is what you get: the humour, the tone, and the content of every colouring book, card and postcard is laid out honestly before you buy. Please read the listing properly before ordering; it's there so you know exactly what you're getting.
3. Digital products (colouring books & printable cards)
Some products, including instant-download colouring books and printable card designs, are delivered digitally, straight to your device, immediately after purchase.
Personal use licence: once purchased, you can print and use the digital files for your own personal enjoyment (or as a gift), as many times as you like. You may not resell, redistribute, or use the files commercially (see Section 1).
No refunds on digital products. Because these files are delivered instantly, digital purchases are non-refundable once downloaded. This includes if you don't find it funny, don't like the artwork style, or decide the content isn't for you; the listing description and photos are there so you know what you're buying before you buy it.
At checkout, you'll be asked to confirm that you understand this and agree to waive your standard 14-day cancellation right in exchange for immediate access to the download. This is a legal requirement for digital goods and protects both of us.
Faulty files: if your download is genuinely corrupted, incomplete, or won't open, email me within 7 days and I'll sort you out a working copy or a refund, no problem.
4. Physical products (postcards & printed items)
Returns for change of mind: if you're a UK or EU consumer, you have a legal right to change your mind on physical goods bought online, within 14 days of delivery. To use it:
Email gabi@aboutastory.co.uk within 14 days of receiving your order
Return the item unused and in its original condition
You'll cover the cost of return postage
I'll refund the item price once it arrives back with me (postage on the original order isn't refunded)
What this doesn't cover: this is a change-of-mind right, not a taste test. I won't offer a goodwill refund or exchange simply because you found a joke insulting, didn't enjoy the humour, or the content wasn't to your personal taste; everything is described and photographed honestly up front, and the sweary, dark, irreverent tone is the entire point of the product. If that's not for you, please don't order it in the first place.
Faulty or damaged items: if something arrives damaged in transit, misprinted, or genuinely faulty, email me within 48 hours with photos of the item and packaging, and I'll replace it or refund it. This is separate from the change-of-mind right above and isn't time-limited to 14 days.
5. E-cards
I offer electronic gift cards on this site; no physical cards, no plastic, just a code delivered by email that whoever you're buying for can spend on Fkthat.co.uk. Here's how they work.
What an ecard is. A FkThat ecard is a prepaid credit issued as a unique code (and where applicable, a PIN) delivered by email. It's not a credit card, not cash, and it can't be exchanged for cash except where the law says otherwise.
Buying one for someone else. When you buy an e-card for another person, you're confirming you've got their permission to use their email address to send it. I'll only use that email address to deliver the e-card (see the Privacy Policy for the rest).
Delivery. E-cards land in the recipient's inbox by email, usually within a few minutes of payment. Occasionally an anti-fraud check will hold delivery for up to 24 hours. If it doesn't turn up, check junk folders first, then email me at gabi@aboutastory.co.uk with your order number and I'll resend it (I may ask you to confirm you're the buyer or recipient before I do).
Personal messages. You can add a note that shows up in the e-card email exactly as you type it. Keep it legal, keep it non-threatening, and keep it your own words; anything unlawful, threatening, defamatory, discriminatory, sexually explicit or infringing someone else's rights I'll refuse to send, and if I have to refuse after payment I'll refund the ecard.
Where you can spend them. Fkthat.co.uk only. Not on any other site, not in any physical shop, not with any wholesaler or third-party seller of my products.
Validity. E-cards are valid for 12 months from the date they're issued, unless the email says otherwise. After that, any unused balance lapses (see "Expiry" below).
How to redeem. At checkout, drop the code (and PIN if there is one) into the "Voucher / gift card" field before you pay. The e-card value comes off the order total including delivery. Once you've placed the order, you can't apply an e-card retrospectively.
Balance and partial use. You can spend an e-card across multiple orders until the balance runs out or the e-card expires, whichever comes first. If the order is smaller than the balance, the leftover stays on the code to use again before expiry. If the order is bigger, you top up the difference with a debit/credit card at checkout.
Payment for e-cards. You have to pay for e-cards with a debit or credit card (or one of the other payment methods offered at checkout). You can't use one e-card to buy another.
No cash alternative. E-cards and any unused balance can't be swapped for cash, transferred to another account, or resold. This doesn't affect your statutory rights in Section 6.
Refunds of items bought with an e-card. If you return goods bought with an e-card under my normal returns policy, the refund goes back onto the same e-card code as re-credited balance; usable until the original expiry date, not extended by 12 more months. Refunds don't come back as cash or to a debit/credit card. If part of the order was paid by an e-card and part by debit/credit card, refunds come off the e-card balance first and the debit/credit card second, up to what each originally paid.
Cooling-off (14 days). Under the Consumer Contracts Regulations 2013, if you've bought a voucher/card and haven't redeemed any of it yet, you can cancel within 14 days of receiving the voucher/card email for a full refund. Email me at gabi@aboutastory.co.uk with the order number and e-card code. Once any part of a voucher has been redeemed, this right is gone; but the goods bought with it are still covered by the returns rules in Section 4 (physical) or Section 3 (digital).
Lost, forwarded, or unauthorised use. Treat the e-card code like cash. I'm not responsible for e-cards/codes that get lost, deleted, forwarded to the wrong person, or used by someone who wasn't meant to have the code, and I can't replace an e-card that's already been redeemed. If an e-card genuinely hasn't been redeemed and you've lost the email, email me with your order number. I can cancel the original code and reissue a replacement at my discretion. I may charge a reasonable fee for reissue, or refuse if I can't verify the request.
Fraud and misuse. If I've got reasonable grounds to think an e-card has been obtained fraudulently, tampered with, or is being used for chargeback fraud, resale-for-profit or money-laundering, I can cancel it, refuse to honour it, and cancel any linked order; no refund in that case.
Order limits. Single e-cards are capped at £50 face value, and you can buy up to 10 e-cards per order. If you need to go bigger, for a team gift, an event, whatever, email me first.
Expiry. Any balance left on an e-card after the expiry date, lapses and can't be redeemed. Lapsed balances aren't refunded and are recognised as income of the business. I don't have to warn you before an e-card expires, though I might as a courtesy. I may, entirely at my discretion, extend an expiry or reissue a lapsed e-card; please don't rely on it.
Currency and pricing. E-cards are issued, sold and redeemed in pounds sterling (GBP) only. Any bank fees or exchange-rate charges if you're buying or spending from outside the UK are between you and your bank.
Age. You must be 16 or over to buy an e-card. By buying one, you're confirming you are.
Changes to e-cards terms. I might update these terms occasionally. The terms that apply to any given e-cards are the ones in force on the date it was bought, and I'll keep those available on this site for the life of the voucher.
Governing law. E-cards purchases and any dispute about them are governed by the laws of England and Wales.
6. Your statutory rights
Nothing in these terms affects your legal rights as a consumer under the Consumer Rights Act 2015 or the Consumer Contracts Regulations 2013. Everything above is designed to work alongside those rights, not around them.
7. How to get in touch
Questions, faulty items, e-card problems, or want to license something commercially? Email gabi@aboutastory.co.uk and I'll get back to you within 10 working days.
